I believe that I am in the wrong job. Twenty years ago, I believe that I was in the right job. I haven’t consciously changed jobs, but the job has changed.
Those changes have been occurring over many years, but over the past couple of years, the part of the organisation for which I work was reorganised. There has been the hope that the reorganisation was going to be, for me, beneficial (although I think that those of us who actually talk to users have reckoned that, overall, a less effective service would result).
I guess that it’s nearly 2 years, too, since I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. I think that, whatever the complexities and variabilities of the condition, it’s generally true that people with Asperger’s Syndrome are better at dealing with things than they are at dealing with other people. It’s been commented a number of times since my diagnosis that it is remarkable that I have found myself at the customer service end of our organisation rather than a technical specialist. Of course, it’s partly by accident, but I believe that, initially, I thrived, because my interactions with people were based on the technical expertise with which I was able to help them. And I was better at managing the daily crises of a helpdesk than I would have been at maintaining focus on a long term project.
But now, I am a ‘consultant’. Arranging meetings. Not able actually to ‘do’ anything, but having to ask other people to do things. A ‘people’ person, which I am not.
My boss is currently on holiday. He gets back on Monday. I’m thinking that I shall have to bite the bullet, and say to him that things aren’t working. I don’t know what the consequences will be. Perhaps, they can find a more suitable position for me within our organisation. I may need to be downgraded.
Please pray for me …
Journal
Don’t really know what to expect of this weekend. The last couple have been somewhat heavy.
Two weeks ago, Hannah was in a show (“Summer Holiday”, put on by Musical Youth). It was an excellent production – consistent and satisfying. But by the time I’d collected her five nights in a row, I was pretty tired.
Then, last Saturday, Musical Youth and enCore had a fundraiser. Entitled “Strictly for Fun”, it was a dance competition – brilliantly put together – and, indeed, fun. And, for our family, the icing on the cake was that Hannah and her partner won the junior event.
So, we’ll see how this weekend goes. To-morrow, we’re introducing the cats to our local vet. Hopefully, they won’t mind going into their travel cages …
[Note: I've started giving people their real names - it seems more natural - so Hannah is the young lady previously known as daughter.]
Journal
Maggi Dawn, interestingly, in “Giving it up”, suggests that Abraham may have been mistaken when he thought that God wanted him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Not sure what I think, but this photo reminds me of a time when I could well have mistakenly believed that God wanted me to give something up:
I took almost my entire collection of carefully constructed model aeroplanes to be sold at a jumble sale.
Then, a few years ago, at a toy sale, I saw a somewhat weatherbeaten Dinky Vickers Viscount (this type of aeroplane) in the old British European Airways colours. I had one, as a child (it was a diecast metal toy, which I played with before I started building the more fragile plastic models), and I almost bought the one I saw, as a kind of souvenir. But the seed had been sown, and I later bought this one, new, made by Corgi, from a model shop. Since then, I have bought a few models, as space and finances have allowed.
It isn’t quite the same, but it does give me pleasure …
Journal
I saw the psychologist to-day, and we agreed that I can be discharged from the (psychiatric) service. Bittersweet, I guess. I’ve valued our conversations, which have definitely helped me. But it’s good to be making my own way again …
Journal
Saw the psychologist again, and was almost embarrassed to report that I’m feeling much better. I’m beginning to deal with stress as a separate entity. Previously, I think that I have seen stress, and everything associated with it as essentially inevitable. But by talking about stress, I’m beginning to recognise that there are occasions when stress definitely rears its ugly head, but can be told to sit down and behave.
Early days, I guess, but happy to be making progress …
Review
Of course, I would like an iPad. I wonder if Steve Jobs, who may well be around the same age as myself, is responding to the needs of those of us who find that failing eyesight and small screens don’t go well together.
I’m meeting with the psychologist weekly – definitely gaining insight – but currently unsure how it’s all going to translate into action …
Review
Not sure why things have to change …
Review
At work, we’ve recently moved into offices in a newly refurbished corridor. There is, conveniently, a gents’ loo at one end of the corridor. It’s eco friendly – the light comes on as you enter, and, presumably, switches off when it thinks that you’ve gone.
There is a kind of vestibule as you go in. You go through one door into an area the size of a cupboard, then through another door into the room proper. The sensor which detects your presence is located in this vestibule. Which is nice – by the time you get to where you need to be, the lights are on.
There is a snag, however. If, for any reason, you spend more than five minutes in the loo (I’m told), the lights go off. The sensor is on the other side of the inner door, so it doesn’t know that you are there. There is no other source of light …
Review
After two days’ extended holiday, East Lothian schools are back to-day. Hurrah! mostly. Working from home yesterday wasn’t easy – while I’m working, I try not to think about issues pertaining to home, and vice versa – but dealing with both as an ongoing reality had my brain reeling.
I’m seeing a psychologist. I think that she’s going to recommend a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I’m hoping that it’s going to help …
Review
